Sex Education, or xx Things About My Sexuality

How do we learn about sex? I don't mean the mechanics from basic sex ed, but how we learn to give and receive, to pleasure and be pleasured, and how we discover those things we enjoy at the edges of our continua. As you read this not-quite-tawdry tale of my early sexual experiences, consider my previous posts on the sexless period of my life. I still can't put 2 and 2 together.

I'll never forget the day we discovered my friend's parents' porn stash. I think we were around 10 or 11. They weren't very good about hiding it. It was a small format picture set called Orgy Fuckers, with photos of, well, people fucking at an orgy. It was amusing to think of her parents fucking because her dad was a very large man and her mom was a total bitch on wheels. But fuck they did, because she got a little sister a couple years later.

That discovery set us all looking around our parents' rooms for their porn stashes. I knew where my dad kept his Playboys, so I didn't look much further until a couple years later. Turns out he had Penthouse, too. I ended up liking them better because of the Forum. Even back then dirty stories really did it for me. Somewhere in there we all read Forever and Wifey by Judy Blume. I still remember asking my mom what a virgin was. That was a pretty godawful weird moment.

That was when I first really understood about masturbating, and once I discovered it I was kind of unstoppable and shoved all sorts of things up my pussy as I ground against a pillow. I learned about a lot of different sexual possibilities from those magazines, but I was young and had never been kissed, and honestly, partners just didn't figure into yet for me.

Middle school was a hotbed of experimentation, but ultimately still pretty chaste. Within the span of a few short weeks I had kissed several boys, been french kissed, groped over and under clothes, and been groped over and under clothes. There were one or two houses we'd gather at on days off from school, and in dark corners at parties. Someone had a waterbed, and it kind of sucked when 6 or 8 people were on it at once.

Sleepaway summer camp was the catalyst for further experimentation. When I look back on it now, we were shades away from having group sex, and it only didn't happen because no cock penetrated any pussy during the two summers in mind. But damn, there was kissing, grinding, tit sucking, hand jobbing, and a ridiculous number of backrub circles. Couples formed, dissolved, and reformed in different pairings, often in the course of just a day or two. We were still at that age where girls are a bit more mature than the boys, physically and socially, and in retrospect I think we were corrupting them.

Early high school saw no serious relationships, just serious crushes that hardly went anywhere. Finally I got hot, relatively speaking, sometime in my sophomore year. That's when I met M and discovered exactly how sublime an orgasm caused by another person can be. From then until I met D I had a series of longish term boyfriends, all exclusive (well, mostly).

With my longest-term high school boyfriend I learned how to give a blowjob and how to orgasm from pussy licking. It took us well over a year to go from our first kiss to losing our virginity. In that time we spent roughly one date night every weekend in his bedroom, naked or nearly so, with our mouths firmly attached to each others' genitals. Since his mom either worked late or went out we usually had the house to ourselves. And when she came home she never knocked on his bedroom door.

I initiated the conversation, and it turns out had I not said anything he never would have! Because he was being gentlemanly, not because he didn't want to. We stood outside my house, on the driveway, leaning against the door of my car. Mutually we decided to go for it. He got the condoms and soon thereafter we had a night alone at his house. Our fucking was perfunctory, but it wasn't painful. We did it a few handfuls of times, but we never got it quite right. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. Everything else we did got us off a lot more, and more often.

Fucking was something I figured out in college, with a boyfriend who'd had a bit more experience than I had. It's also where I figured out birth control, fortunately. More boyfriends, more and better fucking. College was good, even if I didn't experiment quite the way I perhaps should have.

The year or so between college and grad school was a celibate one. Some bad shit went down, I went on a few dates with some decent prospects, but I was in no place emotionally to give a shit about them. A few months after I started grad school I met D, and you can read about our early time together here. And you can read about the time I guess I didn't actually cheat on him here.

And that brings us up to the beginning of my long-term adult relationship in which I have only fucked one person for nearly two decades. Some day I will write more about the early years, and the years in between when there was pretty much no sex.

I don't know how many things that was about my sexuality, but looking back over all those years I'll admit to a few regrets. I won't admit them right now, to you, dear reader, but perhaps in time...

Making a List, Checking it Twice

I'm starting to make a list, and I need your help. This is an audience participation sort of post, and I would really, really love your participation. I'm working on adding to the collection in our goodie drawer, and I would love your opinions.

• If you had unlimited money to spend on sex toys and/or related accessories, what would you spend it on?

• What's your favorite toy, the one you can't live without? The one that when it dies you will cry and have a burial at sea for it?

• Do you have a toy you like to use on your partner, or vice versa? What is it and what's so special about it?

I can't wait to hear about your favorites. Be as dirty or as lovely (or both!) as you want in the Comments section! And anonymity is absolutely welcome ;).

My Thighs Trembled

The other night our fucking was simple and fantastic. At least that's how I remembered it. Sometimes we have crazy, athletic, complicated sex. This was not that. We started off simply, teasing each other a little bit as we removed our clothes. I climbed onto the bed and knelt with my knees spread a little bit as D slid his jeans down his hips until they sat as low as they could be without being completely obscene. This turns me on tremendously.

He joined me on the bed and we kissed. And kissed, and kissed, and kissed, and then kissed some more. Sometimes I just can't get enough of his mouth, and sometimes those kisses are just so perfect. The tremendous turn on was continuing.

A Random Sunday Post

Hope you're having a great Sunday. Spring seems to be springing here, which makes for better moods all around.

I don't usually post on the weekends, but I wanted to tip you off to a wonderful and hilarious porny podcast called Wholesome Addiction. About a week and a half ago one of the guys connected with me on Twitter after tweeting about one of my posts. It was the one about our role-play in which I played a bisexual schoolgirl.

Anyway, we had a lovely Tweet-chat, and in the process he called my attention to an earlier podcast in which they told stories of embarrassing sexual moments. I fired back and directed him to the post in which creampie exploded all over D's face as he ate me out afterward. Twice.

In Thursday's cast all three guys said lovely and dirty things about this blog. Apparently I am especially awesome because I use the word cocksucking with abandon.

They also reviewed my lovely girl Mia Lee's blog (@GreyMia on Twitter) Down The Rabbit Hole. If you aren't following her you should be. She is an amazing writer and has a very entertaining and dirty Twitter stream.

So, I hope that all give you some good fapping material for your Sunday and gets you started for the week!

Formspring Friday Roundup: Analingus, Masturbation, and Sex With Girls

I'm enjoying the Formspring Friday Roundup quite a bit, so please make use of the little widgety thing and send me more questions!

Last week there were great questions about blowjobs, and I elaborated on that topic considerably this week! An excellent question about what clothes make me feel sexy. Sometimes feeling slutty can be really nice, too. And there was a question about getting ready for anal. Overall there have been quite a few questions about anal, so I see a post on that topic coming in the near future.

So, here are this week's answers!

Sex Snapshot 4: It Was Wednesday

Two days had gone by with no sex. We had good intentions, but somehow we never got it together to be ready at the same time. Also, I've been trying very hard not to stay up so late. Even for sex. It caught up with us, though.

Standing in just his boxers and a t-shirt D asked me to go up to our bedroom. Oh, yes. Please. Now.

With the gentlest touch he brushed his fingers over my still closed vulva. "So soft," he whispered. His touch both tickled and aroused. Slowly a finger traced up and and down my slit. Whispering filthy things in my ear, he told me of the wetness he sensed and expected to find.

Then he traced inside my lips, whispering more sweet but filthy things about where and how he loves to touch me. It wasn't long before I came from his dirty words and delicious touch.

Wet. So wet. He fucked me as we lay on our sides, telling me what he'd missed over the last two days. His fingers found our wetness and one joined his cock inside me. That extra stretch, the heightened pressure on my g-spot. Before I could acknowledge what was happening he had me coming again. His mouth followed his hands and cock, pushing me to come again and again. I remained teetering on the edge, sometimes tipping over, and then drawn back.

We fucked hard. I was lost in sensations. Missionary. Edge of the bed. Bent over from behind. He sat on my chest and fucked my face with a rare intensity. I was intoxicated by him, never wanting him to stop. When he did, he asked me to take him cowgirl style. First I came. Then he came. Then I afterfucked him until his post-orgasmic shivers and laughter died away.

Sometimes you just need a good hard fuck because it's Wednesday.

Why Monogamy?

This post is an attempt to answer some questions raised by readers about my attitude toward non-monogamy (as opposed to cheating) that came out of my recent meditation on monogamy and jealousy. That started from a sort of public conversation on this topic with my fellow blogger N from My Dissolute Life. I should have prefaced that post by saying it was just a beginning. I have no idea how many parts there may be, or what shape they will take.

The key question is: if you claim there's no jealousy, then why monogamy rather than non-monogamy? My very basic, fundamental answer is to say because I've always been monogamous, and it's the only kind of relationship I've ever known. It's not so much about morals or ethics, but rather about habits and norms. In my world monogamy has been the norm that I've known, and it's been the norm and habit that I have practiced.

I have been trying to figure out how to really answer this question, because it's quite difficult to prove a negative. I can't say that I don't want something if I don't really know what it is, right? It's like saying you really don't want chocolate ice cream without ever having tried it. How would you know? Likewise, I feel a bit weird explaining "why monogamy" when I have no experience in non-monogamy. How can I possibly be credible?

Here's where I confess my ignorance. I know very little about non-monogamy and open relationships. I'm interested in learning, and I certainly hold no judgement against folks who prefer those relationships. The source of most of my knowledge is a) sex blogs and 2) Dan Savage. So, please recognize the reason why my treatment of this topic is fairly superficial at this point.

One of the most common reasons I run across in reading sex blogs (and generally reading about sexuality and relationships) for practicing non-monogamy is the desire for something that can't be met or achieved within the  primary relationship. It may be something like the desire to frequently engage with new partners, or it may be the desire to satisfy a unique kink. And scads more reasons, as individual as the people who have them.

Right now (and I'm not going to speak to the wasted years), for the most part we are able to meet our desires within our relationship. Am I saying that one has to have a "reason" besides "I just want to do X with someone else"? Not at all. But often the argument for openness is rooted in the fact that the primary relationship can't satisfy some need.

Do we desire others? Well, I guess so, in the sense that we have "lists" of people we find hot enough to consider fucking. What keeps us from acting on it? Any number of things. At the moment it's just fantasy. Lots of them are married. We work with others. I could go on, but yes, "it would seem inappropriate or wrong" is one of the reasons because it doesn't fit within the relationship we currently have. Does talking dirty about what we would do with these people turn us on? Yeah. Plenty.

And finally, back to the "for the most part" with regard to desires. There is one desire I have that can't be met within the relationship: to have sex with a woman. But we talk frequently about what it would mean, what the impact would be, of making the decision to move forward with that fantasy.

As D put it, opening up means opening ourselves to a lot of stuff that doesn't affect us right now. The question I ask myself is whether the desire to do X sexually overwhelms my desire to have this wonderful relationship as it is right now. And thus far it doesn't.

Some Truth...About Cocksucking

I am a good cocksucker. Really, I am. I mean, I didn't learn at the feet of a genius or anything, but I've developed some technique, manage to coordinate the sucking and the stroking, can deepthroat when the occasion demands, and love the feeling of control in the moment after his come shoots into my mouth. I've always been a swallower, but I'm partial to feeling him come on my body, too.

© mloc. Used with permission of the artist.

Saturday's Lazy, Slow Build

"I wanted to wake you with my cock early this morning. But you were sleeping so soundly and it seemed like you had a hard time going to sleep last night."

"You should have done it."

********************

"I'm going to have lunch. Do you want to eat and snuggle and watch something with me?"

"What are you eating?"

"Korean noodles."

"OK."

We ate, watched, and then fell asleep.

*********************

"What are you doing?" His sweater and t-shirt were coming off.

"Coming to finally snuggle you." Pants were gone. He was in the bed.

"Oh, OK. I can work with that."

**********************

Arms and legs entwined. Soft, gentle kisses.

"I'm not necessarily up for anything athletic...I love the heft of your breasts. Their weight is so perfect in my hand."

Photo courtesy of Call Me Balthazar. You can buy a copy of this print here.

***********************

"You like my fingers, don't you?"

"I might love your fingers most of all."

"Does that hurt?"

"No, why?"

"It's so tight." I relaxed my cunt and then tightened again. Over and over. He laughed and said I paralyzed him.

"You like it when I squeeze your cock like that."

"Yes, yes I do."

 I rolled to my back, pulled his head into my shoulder and wrapped my hand around his cock. And then I came, squeezing, rolling, bucking, moaning. I came all over those fingers that I love so much.

***********************

He slid into me, at first fucking slowly and deeply. And then his athleticism took over. My left ankle was hitched up over his shoulder as he slammed ever deeper, grazing my cervix with the tip on every stroke. So deep. So hard. The skin of our pelvises smacked together, the cracking sound reverberating throughout the room.

First the left nipple was between his teeth. Then the more sensitive right. He bit hard, eliciting a scream. Holding my hip down he continued his forceful fucking. A finger or two on my clit and again I came, with a power I thought would force him from my pussy. And once more.

************************

Later I licked his cock clean, as I so often do when we're finished. Taking care, I lavished every millimeter of skin from the tip to the balls with my tongue.

"You've always liked my cock. When did you decide to love my cock? Seems like sometime in the past year."

"I don't know exactly. But I learned my lesson. For years you told me that you needed to feel like I desired you and I failed. This is how I can show you. Not just your cock, though, all of you. I desire all of you. I hope I show you that enough."

************************

Desire ain't just a U2 song. It's that hot, powerful, explosive emotion that can turn the laziest of Saturdays into, well, this.

e[lust] #33 Features "Naked Underwater"

Photo courtesy of Penny

Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as STI’s, swingers and poly relationships, spanking, role play and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #34? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ The Top Three Posts ~

 I’m The 48% - I keep breathing. Strangely enough, the world didn’t end at that precise moment. I felt numb. I stared at those two red lines on the monitor.

Can Swingers be Happily Married? Long Term? – Swinging can be an exhilarating experience.  It requires sincerity, honesty, vulnerability, strength, forgiveness, and patience.

Secretary - I was a little worried:  my intentions in placing the ad had been purely dishonorable, but her response offered no evidence that she correctly divined my intentions.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

 Why I Write – And Respect – Negative Sex Toy Reviews - I call a spade a spade, and name it out for being crap no matter if it’s $39 crap or $139 crap. Crap is crap and you shouldn’t have to buy it.

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

 A Little Spanking Can Go A Long Way - All I could do was hold on until it was over. It was more than I could take, but I took it and, of course, I loved it.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A Great Fuck
all my weight on her
Afterglow
a Masturbation Story
Bunco Night!
Fag-Break Fuck
Having him in my mouth
hypnopompic Apparition
Kiss Me There
Naked Underwater
Sodom: Enter the Fist
Soothed
Starvation

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Beginner’s Guide to Spanking
A Matter of Lube
Attraction, Rejection and Uncertainty
Bad Vibes, Generally
Fluidity: Growing-up Poly Part VI
Going Down
Making Love
Never Pinch a Sadist
Near Outing due to Outrage
Porn, Pubic Hair, Sex & Reality
Sadie Says … Remember Santa Barbara

Kink & Fetish

Cruor
Hungry Beast
Later that afternoon – Part IV
Long-distance Roleplay & BDSM
Reflecting on Vacation Playtime: Part III: Tent Slut Slapped
The Dungeon Club

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Odd Sex laws around the World 
Post-Brazilian

Formspring Roundup: Safety, Sexiness, Strap-ons and more

It was a pretty quiet week on the Formspring front, but I've got a few answers for you. Also, I received a couple of questions in comments, so I'll answer those here, too. I'm quite happy to answer questions. Readers have sought advice, wondered about my favorites, asked what turns me on, and been curious about the best place I've ever had sex. I've answered those, and more, and I'd be happy to answer your question, too.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

What is your favorite position for giving a blowjob?

I enjoy any number of positions, from down on my knees in front to being nestled between his thighs as I suck. But my favorite, for selfish reasons, is with him on his back and me on my knees perpendicular to him. This way he can finger my pussy while I suck. And he did last night. And it was good.

What makes you feel safe?
asked by sllikesnaked

Birth control.

But seriously. Safety is such a relative concept, and I'm not sure there's any one thing that makes me feel safe. However, when D and first met and I was getting over a trauma that had happened to my family, I had horrible nightmares. He helped me through them when they happened, and I always felt safer after I woke up and he was there. So I guess having a strong, calming presence makes me feel safe.

What clothes do you feel sexiest in?

There are 2 outfits in particular that make me feel sexy. The first is a wrap dress, because a) they flatter almost every figure, and 2) they unwrap! But really, they can be conservative enough for work, yet sexy enough for a dinner date. The v-neck usually hits in just the right place to make your tits look awesome. The skirt skims over the hips and clings without being too clingy. And it's really fun to be unwrapped like a present later.

The other outfit is well-fitting jeans and a close-fitting tank top. I'm loath to say jeans are super sexy, partly because there is no easy access when you're really horny. However, I've seen that look of appreciation when I have on low-rise jeans that hug my ass just so. When my husband's best friend tells me I look good, then I know I'm doing something right.

Would you ever fuck a guy with a strap-on?

Yes and done. Read about my first time here.

Do  you use an enema before anal?

Not really. Usually we just wash well. However, if I'm feeling a little uncomfortable I will fill my ass a bit with some water from the shower hose just to clear out anything that might be hanging around. I guess that's technically an enema, but I don't have or use any special equipment or liquids.

Jealousy and Monogamy

Today is the anniversary of our first date. In nearly two decades we've never broken up. If ever there was an appropriate topic to discuss after so many years together, this is probably it.

N (@nlikes), who I "met" when he emailed me one day about my blog, suggested the other day that I write about jealousy in the monogamous context. I really enjoy his writing, and jealousy is something he discusses from time to time on his blog My Dissolute Life.

Then, sparked by another blogger's comment, he and I were off and running in a long discussion about jealousy, triggers, monogamy, non-monogamy, why monogamy (or why not), whether jealousy is inherently "bad" or whether the actions people take when they are jealous are the problem. I don't think we came to any resolution, but here are some thoughts about what it means in my marriage.

I Was a Bisexual Schoolgirl

I've mentioned a few times that D is very into role play. He's a fantasist and he loves to spin tales.

We've tried our hands at a few different scenarios, but he really seems to like situations involving school. You might already see where this is going.

It began when I received an unexpected package at work one day. It was a few weeks after Halloween, but it was clear from the box markings that it had come from a costume shop. The wheels in my brain began to crank, and I decided that perhaps it would be best not to open the box until I got home.

Thigh Sox and Lingerie

Thigh socks and lacy lingerie. They are D's kryptonite. Not that he needs kryptonite to succumb to the idea of fucking, but the thigh socks, silk and lace certainly can reduce his willpower.

Sunday afternoons tend to be one of my favorite times for fucking. Somehow it makes the weekend feel like it's going to last just a little bit longer. While D read and wrote downstairs, I spent a little me time upstairs, watching a couple of short videos and bringing myself to a fast and hard orgasm. While he worked out, I took a relaxing bath and read a bit of the deliciously erotic and beautifully written Bound in Moonlight by Louisa Burton. I was feeling minxy, as one of my friends is fond of saying. So out came the black thigh socks, lacy boy shorts, silk lace-edged cami and long grey cardigan that just grazes my ass.

Photo courtesy of Call Me Balthazar.

Can you show On a photo your sweet spot you reference in your latest post?

I have done quite a bit of research to understand exactly what's going on here, since I've never before explored exactly what this spot is. I am not a doctor, sex educator, or anatomical specialist. But I am a research-y girl who likes to masturbate.

First, I'll tell you that I thought it was what's known as the "u-spot," or the area just above the opening to the urethra. But when I got out the trusty hand mirror, I discovered my landmarks were off. Which is not to say that the u-spot isn't incredibly pleasurable, it's just not the spot I was describing. I may follow up on that one another time, partly because it can lead to squirting.

On the gorgeous pussy photo I've placed a little arrow pointing at the "clitoral frenulum," or the spot where the labia minora (inner lips) meet just under the glans (head) of the clitoris. It is just below the underside of the nerve-rich clit.

I discovered this spot when I had an irritation on the hood of the clit but still really needed to get off. And I discovered that I enjoyed it waaaayyyy more than direct clit stimulation for 2 reasons:

1) the skin of the frenulum provides a little barrier to the clit, so fingers or vibes aren't rubbing directly on the super-sensitive spot

2) it's located directly over the base of the pubic bone, so there is naturally stimulation from rubbing over the pubis in addition to the feeling of vibrations (if you're using a vibe) radiating through your pussy because the waves are carried by the bone.

In my opinion you are still having a clit orgasm when you focus on this spot, but I find the quality, strength, and length of my orgasm to be better. I can hang on for a longer and stronger buildup, and I definitely enjoy more contractions. And occasionally squirt.

Try it. Your mileage may vary, but it's always fun to find a new technique that gets you off.

Apparently I never explained to D why I kept saying "down just a little" when he would work me over. Now he knows :).

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

Formspring Roundup: Instant Turn-ons, Rimming, Panties, Videos

Several great Qs from Formspring this week. I'm rounding up several of them here and one longer one separately.

What is an instant turn on for you? Physical, mental or otherwise... what turns your crank? asked by BlacksilkBlog

That look in a man's eyes (maybe a woman's, but I've only experienced it with men) that says "I want you. Now. Here. Let's get to it." That is an instant turn on and even if I've not been thinking about anything sexual I will go from zero to sixty in seconds.

All the signs of arousal hit very quickly--heart rate increases, skin gets goosebumps and flushes, nipple tighten, pussy juices.

When he approaches me I feel that flutter that sort of feels like it's in your belly and sort of feels like it's in your cunt. I twitch below involuntarily as my pussy lips open slightly from the sudden arousal. A hand shoved down my panties is usually the best course of action.

Do you like your ass licked?

Yes, Very much. It's an incredible feeling, especially when combined with fingering.

Do you find you get wet during day to day activities?

Yes, I'm often wet randomly during the day. Sometimes the horn just strikes! I tend to think about sex and D when I'm bored at the office, and if I weren't such a technophobe when it comes to sexting, I would probably send him dirty pictures everyday. But with my luck I'd sext my boss or my sister.

What's your favourite type of panties?

Hanky Panky low-rise thongs, in cotton with lace trim. I probably have 20 pairs. Second place is Mary Green boy shorts, also lace trim. They are sexy and comfortable, even for girls who think that thongs are the devil.

Will you ever post the vid you mention below?

I don't think so. First, you can see our faces. I could re-edit it, but since I have no plans to post it, I'm not inclined to spend the time. I've learned to never say never, but please don't take that as me just holding out to tease.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

Sexually Fucked Up, or How Women's Magazines Suck

Do you remember taking a version of the purity test at some point in your misspent youth? I've been thinking a lot lately about how we learn about sex and the dynamics of sexual relationships. Since it's not exactly dinner table conversation, most of us learn furtively, from friends, or through self-directed research. Or some combination thereof. And there were a lot of things I'd never heard of before the purity test. Incidentally, today I am 49.4% pure, or about 22% sluttier than the average test-taker according to puritytest.org.

Work it Out: Sex, Confidence, and Self Image

I was going to write this as some kind of smart-ass, oblique, referential kind of post. Fuck that.

In the last year I've lost about 15 lbs. I didn't need to lose the 15 lbs. I was at a healthy weight, but I definitely wasn't feeling hot. I'm not unhappy it's happened. However, I am surprised. Because I have done absolutely nothing special to drop the pounds, apart from eating a generally healthy diet and not eating candy bars at 3 p.m. That was not meant as a backdoor brag.

Many and Varied

Orgasms, that is. Many and varied orgasms. I have many, and they are varied.

Sometimes they are hard won. Sometimes they rise and explode before I've had a moment to realize how aroused I am. Occasionally they stack up one behind the other, like planes coming in at JFK. On my own they are never guaranteed. With D often they are a dime a dozen.

Photo courtesy of Ida Oppen. Used with permission.

Does This Sound Like Anyone You Know?

Recently I've been thinking about where my sexual interests and tastes lie along the broad span of consensual activities. I took a sexual personality quiz, found via Psychology Today, and I was fascinated by the results. Is it scientific? Probably not. But it's based on 68 questions about your sex life and attitudes in a most non-judgmental way.

A few readers have asked me to elaborate on the sexless period of our marriage. It's a hard thing to write about, and I've been trying to find a way to do it without being a complete downer. But since we're all about the sex, and the marriage, and the honesty here, I'm giving it a shot.

For grins, I decided to take the quiz as though it were a year or so ago. When I was pretty much uninterested in sex. When it had been about 10 years since the last meaningful run of regular fucking between me and D.

How to Weather an Ice Storm

(This post used to have some really hot photos related to the activities one might enjoy during an ice storm. Oh, well. Sigh.)

First, sleep in.

 Second, have some coffee.

Third, put a pot of soup on for later.

Fourth, watch an endearing comedy about an orgy with almost no nudity with your sweetie.

Fifth, fall asleep snuggled tight on the sofa after a little making out

.

Sixth, spend the afternoon looking at Tumblr porn of delectable women and pussy eating.

And finally, do your best to give as many orgasms as possible, enough for everyone.

ok-just found your blog through ua and love as much as theirs. just curious if any of the pictures on your blog are of you? i am especially enamored with the beach vacation as my wife and i have recently finished a similar trip.

Thank you for the compliments. I'm assuming you mean my friends Violet+Rye at Uncommon Appetites? They are fantastic, and I'm honored you put me in the same category.

Before I forget, please post about your recent vacation in the comments! I would love to hear what mischief you and your wife got up to on your trip!

Now, on to the big question about photos and whether they are of me. Is it going to disappoint you terribly and turn you off from reading the blog when I tell you that any naked photos here are most definitely not of me? I hope it doesn't. Naked people are hot, whether it's me or someone else. And honestly, the photos I find are pretty much hotter than I am by a billion.

I encourage my gf to masturbate more but she's says I don't need to, I have you. We now live together and she thinks she doesn't get enough opportunity, how do you and D fit this into your lives? ESP if he works from home.

The issue of couples masturbating, especially those who live together, seems to be getting a lot of attention lately. I feel like I read something in Savage Love a couple weeks ago, and The Good Men Project had an article about it this week.

We both self-pleasure for the most part whenever we feel like it, and when it fits our schedules. For D, that often means during the day because he does work from home. He has a lot of flexibility in his schedule and can whip it out as desired. I, on the other hand, work a regular day job so I have less time to get off. I tend to do it in the evenings, after dinner and before bed, generally on nights when D is otherwise occupied by friends or entertainment.

Photo courtesy of aurore érotique.

When you are all by yourself and you want the perfect time. How many fingers do you slip inside yourself?

Two. It's the magic number most of the time.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

Do I see a hint of nip in your avatar? Will you ever post a pic of your boobs? They look amazing. Do you see yourself ever posting like jessandrls? (tumblr and Flickr)

Yes, you do see a hint of nip in my avatar on the blog. Will it make you hard or wet to know that picture is a still from a video we made a couple months ago?

But thank you for saying that my tits look amazing. Looking at the photo objectively, I'm pretty pleased with their appearance, too! Hopefully you can enjoy the tease and continue to imagine how hot they are without the thin wisp of cotton between us.

As to whether I will ever post a pic of my boobs, I'm going to say that the jury is out. At this point in time, though, the answer is no. I will not be posting any naked pics. For a variety of reasons, now is not the right time in my life to go naked on the internet. I love sites like jessandrls, where talented photographers make very artistic and erotic images.

If you were to go out with a bang - to die while having sex - describe the scene you'd most enjoy.

I have been thinking a lot about this, and I'm torn in my answer. Part of me wants it to be some insane version of a fantasy, like an anonymous gang bang. But I'm pretty sure I would want it to be immediately post orgasm while fucking D. That's about the happiest moment I experience, and I'm pretty sure it would be a good moment to wrap on. I think the scene I'd most enjoy is described perfectly in my blog entry on fucking in the bamboo hut. That was fucking nirvana.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

I occasionally we a girl getting dressed in front of her window while out running in the morning and it really excites me seeing her naked bodie(I think she knows exactly what she's doing),have you ever experienced this?Does voyeurism/exhibitionism do it?

Oooh, you really need to read the blog more closely. I am definitely an exhibitionist, and tend to be more naked in front of windows than is good for me.

Once, as teenager, I was walking the dog in the greenbelt of our suburban hellhole and I was alone, so I took off my top and hitched up my skirt. A few minutes later I turned around to pick up after the dog and there was a guy in a tank top and running shorts flashing me. The dog and I ran! Oops.

My current big exhibitionist desire involves really active fucking in front of a window of the Standard hotel over the High Line in NY. Working on making it come true later this year. Also, wouldn't mind seeing someone else living out my fantasy.

Photo courtesy of Creative Rehab. People exposed in the huge windows of The Standard.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

Hey again,so I read you post about the first time you squirted.I read somewhere that you have to be comfortable peeing at orgasm in front of your partner to overcome the reflex that holds you back.have you done this with watersports or was it pure fluke?x

We don't do watersports. Not that there's anything wrong with it. We have been married a bazillion years, so we have peed in front of each other, even if we haven't peed on each other. However, my experience with squirting is that it's really not like peeing at all. So, I didn't need to overcome anything. Pure fluke.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

I love NYC, we vistas a few xmases ago, we went the the view restaurant which was awesome and worked us up for a really romantic night out. What's your most romantic night in the city? Ps. Formspring Says I'm asking too many and temp blocked me!X

We are not from NYC, but we have had many excellent dates there. A memorable one started where dates usually end: in bed. We'd been staying at a friend's apartment while they were out of town, and after a day spent wandering and enjoying great spring weather on the High Line we went home and fucked each other silly. Then we put our clothes back on and went out for noodles at Xi'an Famous Foods. Then we walked back home, with a stop for Italian pastries on the way. It was a memorable end to our weekend getaway.

Ask me anything. Make it sexy.

The Importance of Reading Smut

Porn is great. I like porn. Well, I like some porn. By this I mean videos of people fucking, just to be clear.

I am not a huge consumer of porn, partly because I have an unreliable internet connection and I can usually get off before something has buffered or downloaded. This prevents me from enjoying some of the more wonderful things out there like Camille Crimson's sexy and sensual blowjobs, or Max and Lily's very hot and beautiful videos. I have seen clips, but that's about it. If you can spare the time, money and bandwidth, you should check them out.

The 30 Minute Orgasm*

We covered my side of the bed with towels, ready for the possibility that we'd have a delicious, wet mess on our hands.

I lay back with my knees open while D liberally lubed my pussy. We don't usually use lube except for anal. This was the first departure from our usual routine. The lube (Liquid Silk) is thick and transluscent. "It already looks like I came on you," D said, as he began to stroke and tease me.